chapter 121 : a picnic for 2 princesses

sorry for the blurry picture.  this was the girls and my lunch today.  it was the perfect picnic for my 2 little princesses.  we ate it on our patio on the "little" table.  the sharp cheddar was especially delicious as were the strawberries and pepper.  the hummus was unfortunately a sad disappointment due to me not realizing that is was bad before trying to put it with our spread.

after another appointment with my beloved new naturopath, Dr. Vivian (who i once accidentally called another doctor's name...that's another story), i'm really feeling the URGENCY for change.  of course my "natural woman" is not really up for the challenge, but for the sake of my health, my weight and most importantly for my family to get into better habits for life-long change, i have slowly made some HUGE changes to our diet and my overall life.  here's the run-down for the new way to live or attempt anyway :

* remembering that i do so much better on a rigorous schedule : bed by 10:30 (dang Olympics), eating less sugar, drinking more water, working out staying spiritually in tune/trying to stay spiritually in tune, living and love the moment for what it is

* life is choices and each one either leads to a better, more happy life or it doesn't.  i can either eat good for the right reasons or enjoy that Oreo blizzard and regret it afterward, etc.  i can either spend money on ________ or i can't not seek for riches and material possessions that really don't matter anyway.  if a flood came and i saw my big screen bobbing up and down in the water and floating by me, would i be grateful that i spent my money on it or wish that i had put it into food storage instead?  everything is choices!

* it feels good to let go, simplify and not hoard things, past experiences (negative) and to just try to live a "cleaner" life.

* stop being so idle!  not turning on/relying on the TV during the day.  the girls do so much better, listen better and i think they don't break down as much during the day.  i'm reconvinced of my feelings from the past...TV really is not a good thing, especially for small children. 

* trying to do better at cleaning and keeping up on my house.  trying to do more service along the way instead of wasting time.

* remembering : i am truly blessed!

 

some major food changes we've recently made are :

* beef hamburger : ground turkey...so YUMMY!

* peanut butter : almond butter (mr. clean won't give up the Jiff though)

* vanilla/fruit yogurt : plain yogurt

* cow's milk : oat/soy/rice milk and some cow's milk, don't really want all of those scary rGBH's

* sugar and processed foods : lots of fruits and veggies

* juice : water

* adding in lots of supplements for myself and the girls (mr. clean's not quite convinced of this new regiment yet).  for the girls, just cod liver oil/dha's, but for me...fish oil, vitamin d, GAMA, vitamin B complex, thyroid support, L-Tryptophan, fiber, yummy rice protein and energy extract as needed.

* also trying to not eat later at night and wanting to start getting back into dance at least twice a week too.  it's really my only way to motivate myself to keep working out.

 

so for now, all of this is going well and really doesn't feel overwhelmed.  i'm sure we will be spending more $ on food as we are eating lots more fresh produce, but i really believe that it will all be worth it as i hope my girls will grow up learning to love healthy food, not craving unhealthy stuff and will avoid a lot of the autoimmune/health issues that run in my family.  for them to be well-balanced, happy people in all areas of their life would is one of the greatest things i want for my children.  so i'm really hoping this is a great start...

yours truly.

chapter 120 : a sad farewell...

due to many reasons, but especially mr. clean's allergies, we had to sell Ruby.  after my little bug asked, "where's my pup-pup?  where's Ruby?"  i didn't get emotional and am still holding up fine, but i'm really going to miss her...she was like my 3rd child.

i can't make mr. clean not be able to breathe well in his own home or feel stressed by how much she is costing, so it's worth the sacrifice even though it's really hard.

i'm really learning how i always think i need to fill up my life with stuff to be happy instead of making decisions of minimalism which will help me and i will like most in the long run.  it was a very expensive learning experience though as i barely got half of our $ back for her, but i think the girl that bought her will be great to her and give her a good life.

so long my sweet little Ruby.  i will miss you...i already do.

yours truly.

chapter 119 : if this is real...

then it's truly a MIRACLE.  i'm still not sure if i believe it, but since i know for sure that Gladys Knight is a member, then i think there's a chance.  also, what an AMAZING missionary if so.  Just goes to show we should never judge whether we think someone might be interested in the Gospel or not.

go here and tell me what you think...

yours truly.

chapter 118 : grrrrr...i don't even know what to say

sometimes life sucks. yesterday and today have been exactly that for me : sucky!

i'm tired of there always being a "problem" in my life. i'm tired of never being happy. i'm tired of my life being the way it is. i'm tired of always seeking approval from sources that really don't matter. i'm tired of my mind lying to me. i'm tired of doubting myself and i'm tired of how extreme everything is in my life.

EVERYTHING is ALWAYS a BIG deal and i'm soso, so TIRED of it!

i feel so bad for mr. clean and my girls to have to live with me. i'm so over-the-top...too much...nazi-ish all the time. i'm sick of it.

i sincerely want to change, but i'm at a loss right now. i feel like if i could really SIMPLIFY my life then things would get better, but of course i lack the motivation to start doing that.

hoping things look up later today and the sun comes back too...

yours truly.

chapter 117 : it's double true

i'm a blogging LOSER! no posting in over a month. lucky you! lots of things have been going on lately and will have to try and catch up sometime. lacking motivation once again, but we'll see what i start doing more of now.

been LOVING the SUNSHINE and i try to leave my house as often as possible. been trying to go to bed at the latest by 10:30. totally not tonight! been doing better at spending less overall. works best if i don't have possession of my little, blue friend, mr. Chase Visa. been feeling socially inept...what's new! been eating too much and working out WAY too little. been loving taking pictures and aching for an 85mm/1.8 lens. been trying to be more grateful, enjoying each moment and trying to YELL less. been LOVING my family and checking one more HUGE one off my list...we "adopted!" and since i am totally the type of friend that everyone has that is always complaining about $, but always spends anyway, i've been totally relishing in this :

without further ado...mr. clean finally agreed/gave into me/felt sorry that cosemtology school didn't work/is more worried about her than i am most of the time/loves me so much...

i present Miss

isn't she so stinking adorable???

cleaning up lots of this (ok, not relishing in this...) :

wasting time on (only some of the culprits) :
* the Bachelorette finale. poor Jason...my home town boy lost!
* playing zone games. got my free online Catan subscription again...oh no!
* finally reading my scriptures again and trying to do those "small" things of "great" importance.

overcoming :
* my almost entrance into cosmetology school. the direct inspiration that i can NEVER deny said, "NO! Now is not time. Maybe it will never be time. You NEED to have more faith."

i was so grateful! in that moment, i was LOVED and i knew it. although i really didn't deserve it, i received it and that was more than i could have asked for.
(Thank YOU for keeping your promises and always giving when i ask!)

more posts to come sometime in the future (distant or far).

peace out.

yours truly.

chapter 116 : oh blessed sunshine. how i adore you...

honestly, sunday was a hard day for me. father's day! let's just say that i am so grateful for my mr. clean who is such a good Daddy. my girls are so blessed to have him.
i'm still not over some issues in my past and sometimes they haunt me on a daily basis. i'm not sure if i will ever be over them. at this point, i can't imagine releasing that hurt and filling it up with something else. it just doesn't seem fathomable to me at this stage in my life. so like i learned to do so well in the past, i will just keep acting like nothing is going on because the people has to do with, don't care anyway. who i am and what i do doesn't really matter to them and i don't know if i'll ever understand that. to be ok with that makes me feel like i've lost hope or something.
after my last post though, i feel like i MUST head back to a more positive direction. i just want to share how grateful i am to a most kind and loving Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS so mindful of me and my little family. i am so thankful that mr. clean and i have ALWAYS been so BLESSED financially...not that we're wealthy to most around us, but compared to many in the world, i know we are. unfortunately though i know that i take it for granted and so i am so thankful when i see the ways which His hand intercedes and helps guide us so we are taken care of. paying tithing and fast offerings truly protect and bless lives.
i am also so grateful for the health of my family. even though mr. clean has chronic back pain and does more than he should to help me without hardly any complaint, we have been so blessed. both of our girls have had basically no major sicknesses or problems their entire pregnancies and lives and i truly hope that they will always stay this way and always stay safe. unfortunately today, my new doctor called and told me that my blood tests show that i have Hashimoto's thyroiditis (like Hypothyroidism). if this is truly the case, then it potentially could explain a lot about what i have experienced for a long time. it is an autoimmune disease and among different ways to treat it are taking medication for the rest of my life. my heart was heavy this afternoon as i wasted my time watching tv and eating to comfort myself.
i don't even think i'm going to tell certain "important" people in my life though. i don't think they care enough about me that i don't want their sympathy in this regard. we'll see though. i'll probably end up telling them in hopes that they will truly care about me, but in the end i will probably just be let down again, saddened by their lack of true concern and love for me.

anyways...i'm truly am so grateful for the many ways i have been blessed in my life and pray that most of all, my children will be safe, happy and taught to stay close to their Heavenly Father.

yours truly.

p.s. we got more emergency food items for our 72 hour kits today. i'm so excited because it's one less thing for me to have to worry about...

chapter 115 : at least i've got Wilson or maybe i can find one this summer at a yard sale anyway...

i am overwhelmed!

from the outrageous price of gas and food to the constant weight of knowing i need to get my family food storage and emergency essentials together. then there is the constant dismal weather that keeps gracing my days (thankfully we saw the sun this afternoon!). it's all feeling TOO MUCH!
i SO need a vacation, but could never justify the money it would cost when there are so many other things we need to get "just in case." all of the pressure i feel makes me end up wanting to do nothing, sleep too much and not answer my phone. shoot...you got to know it's bad when i stopped keeping up with the blogging world in Google Reader or checking Freecycle for the unwanted items i can drive mr. clean crazy with by cluttering my home even more. in fact i feel a need to get rid of things...something must really be going on.
then i think of what it was like growing up with a bi-polar Dad and cringe and feel defeated because i yelled at my girls too much today (i can hardly believe with my past that i even yell at my sweet babies at all)! i NEVER want to be like the two "fathers" i had and yet it's almost like i'm destined for it.
i haven't cried yet, but feel like i'm on the verge sometimes throughout the day. i'm going to give myself credit for the "sort of" clean that i did in my house today. it was my attempt to overlook the couple of hours of tv i watched in the afternoon and the QUALITY attention that i FAILED to give my precious girls. i was a BAD Mom today for sure.
i'm so lacking in motivation and can't bring myself to be excited about even finishing my giveaway projects. sorry recipients...pray for sunshine!

hoping tomorrow is better and that i don't feel like i'm stranded on a deserted island...

yours truly.

chapter 114 : slice n' dice to save our lives...

recently after another trip to Target for things we "need" and in order to save us financially, mr. clean did the following to my credit card...
he totally didn't do this behind my back, to be mean and/or abusive or out of anger, (he is so NOT any of those things) he did it because he loves me and to help our family. i honestly know that i NEEDED to do it for so long, but was holding onto how spending makes me feel...exhilarated then depressed. beside food, it has become my way to deal with stress which of course only creates more stress and i think its even harder because i rarely spend much on myself.

now we are trying to do better with only spending cash, not using the car so often and really living with our means. i know it's a good idea to listen to the Prophet and other church leaders, but i think it's definitely time we start acting on it.

yours truly.

(picture from here)

chapter 113 : awful news...

mr. clean told me today that he heard that we aren't going to get sunshine in the Seattle area until like July 17th. i don't know if i'm going to make it without sunshine til then. it's killing me.

yours truly.

chapter 112 : no worries...

for all of you still waiting for your giveaway goodies, don't worry, i'm working on them and hope to have them out sometime soon...

thanks for you patience.

yours truly.

chapter 111 : reasons to rave...

i have been finding/seeing/loving so many things lately and to try to combat the STUPID Seattle area rain, i feel that i need to share these amazing finds. in no specific order...

* a friend introduced me to this work and i WISH i could it too.

* so grateful that i found this, one of my new graphic design idols, that led me to this.

* wish i could do this type of thing, among many others, as well.

* i LOVE these new pudding singles. i am a HUGE chocolate lover, but don't really care for chocolate pudding, cake or ice cream. these new singles are more like mousse and set up in about 5 minutes. a perfect little snack if you are in need of a fix...

* found this great fabric shop, Fabric Supplies by Charlie, on etsy through a friend's blog. the prices seem so much better than what my local, overpriced Ben Franklin sells. maybe someday if i save my $ then i can order a whole bunch of treats for Sweet Stella here.

* one my most favorite photography blogs ever, Bethany Jackman Photography. wish she would have been available when i was getting married.

* a favorite creative blog, my crazy life..., i swear this woman's hiding her superhero cape somewhere.

* of course, who couldn't LOVE the great perspective and crafty eye that Candace Todd has. love her new little creation too, sew along.

* don't feel i could do much justice to this post of the things i love without mentioning some of my all time favorites too...my happy little life, the nienie dialogues, it's good to be Ashley Carter and simply.

* and finally...in the past i wasn't really that much of a Coldplay fan, but this one has me hooked. i LOVE it and once i hear it, i can't get it out of my head or the thoughts of choreography i could come up with for it as well...

hope you enjoy as much as i am...

yours truly.

chapter 110 : my new best friend...

in another desperate attempt to conquer my horrendous eating/health habits, i went to a new doctor today. she was AMAZING and i am now an even greater advocate for naturopathic medicine...such a different experience.
of course like usual, she told me how i NEED to drink more water and eat less sugar, so despite some of the super yummy, generic Safeway oreos (tuxedos), i did pretty well. i am now taking a natural extract to help with energy as well as TRYING to overall eat better. so instead of grabbing food while watching SYTYCD tonight, i grabbed my very neglected since it's been purchased (and probably cancer ridden ;) ) water bottle and downed more water than my body has had in probably the last month.
after having urinated 3 times in the last two hours (more than i do when i'm pregnant) i definitely remember one of the reasons beside taste that i avoid water, but overall, i think my body is soaking it in like a thirsty person would be in the desert. in fact i'm probably going to be "water logged" by the time i go to bed and since i'm still afraid of the dark, hopefully i won't have to visit the throne around 3 am.
at least i'm off to a better start than in the past and hope this time i can make some better habits stick, not only for me, but for my girls too. they deserve better than learning to eat too much sugar. my next appointment is in 4 weeks, so that will be a good check to see how well i'm doing.

yours truly.

chapter 109 : LMBO (laughing my BUTT off)

i had heard this awful rumor on the radio, but thanks so Lindsay for sharing the dreadful news...


hope you enjoyed!

yours truly.

chapter 108 : i think i'm in LOVE again...

while TRYING to learn CS3 by reading/watching tutorials, i found this company, Go Media, and let's just say that they are AMAZING! want to see for yourself, check out their designs. they are what i would consider "contemporary abstract" and i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their work. one of the highlights also is the fact that they sell stock images for commercial/personal/whatever use for pretty cheap...way better than istock, etc.
the more "art" i find like this, the more i REALLY want to get into graphic design and can't wait to learn more.

check it out...i'm sure you'll LOVE it too.

yours truly.

chapter 107 : oh my goodness...

so i'm so GLAD that So You Think You Can Dance is on again. i actually love the audtion shows more than the actual finalist ones because you can see the dancers present their best moves and see amazing technique.
i wish that i would have realized my potential is dance and had never quit, but then again i don't think i could wear the clothes or do some of the partner moves ;). i'm so happy that i'm back into it now though because once it's in your heart, i don't think you EVER let it go.

i also LOVE that we have the opportunity to take two of the most precious things Heavenly Father has given us, our bodies and music, and combine them to display passion, emotion and to show who we really are. talents truly are blessings and who knows, maybe one day i'll have the opportunity to work with someone like Mia Michaels too.

yours truly.

chapter 106 : the winners are...

thanks to the fabulous assistance of mr. clean in a completely unbiased, random drawing, the winners are :

the biggie : Sara
2nd place : Carol
the runner up : Maria

i also decided to give honorable mentions as well because you commented the most:
TaNicka & Shannon. i'm going to make you both 5 handmade cards. thanks!!!

CONGRATS you guys. i really hope you like what you will be receiving and let's hope i can get it to you in a timely manner as well ;).

a HUGE thank you to all who entered! it was so great to hear from old friends as well as new ones, Keren and Rishel. i plan to do another giveaway in the future. i like having something to look forward to.

yours truly.

chapter 105 : a change...

so i'm adding in a pillowcase to the big winner's prize too....check below for the details of the giveaway...

yours truly.

chapter 104 : playing catch up...

so part of the reason i wanted to even do this blog was so that i would have a great place to express myself through things i am doing. here are some new and past things for me :

* i started teaching a dance class in my ward as an Enrichment Group. so if you want to come and get a great workout and learn a dance too, i teach on Weds. mornings from 9-10 and Sat. mornings from 7-8:30. children are welcome and we do it at my church building. let's just say that i really LOVE the ladies i do this for because mornings are not my specialty. honestly though when i got up and going this past Sat. and the sun was shining, it felt like a new start for me. it was a beautiful day and such a wonderful blessing for me to be able to share one of my talents with my great friends. thanks my little dancing divas!

* i'm super excited because i might be starting a graphic design program through BCC extended learning. more details to come if i do it.

* these are a favorite pair of shoes that i bought clear back in dec. so functional and add the perfect touch to my otherwise boring & frumpy Mommy wardrobe...i'm trying to get back in style.


* this is the color we painted our entry way...


* this is the blanket i made for a girl in my ward who just had her 3rd boy yesterday. i love the blue polka dot border and think it turned out pretty cute...



* my first attempt at flower hair clips for the girls. i've gotten lots better since then...


* the top of a baby blanket i started making from a pattern on my happy little life by Kelly McCaleb. love these colors right now and so i was happy to find these fat quarters for only .99 cents.


* so GRATEFUL i found my sewing machine manual online because as you can see below, i was having some MAJOR tension issues...luckily i got it figured out and the blanket finished the night before the shower.


* some hair clips i made for my friend Jennifer. too bad my camera was retarded on the focus part of things. they are lots cuter in real life...


* my new baby!!! isn't she beautiful. i think she should affectionately be called sweet stella!


* a fun pillow case i made by copying one of my best friends, Lynn's, patterns.


* i made all of these for the auction in our ward to help the Young Women be able to go to Girl's Camp. it was fun to make these to help them...


* i made this blanket for my little Bug. she told me she wanted monkeys and for my 2nd one like this, i thought it turned out pretty good. love the way the vine stitch goes so well with the pattern.


* this was my attempt to save money and go blonde at the same time. i ended up with copper instead. so 4 boxes and a couple weeks later, mr. clean asked me to go back to auburn and i did. so now i look almost like i did in this 1st picture...


* oh my Sweet Stella!


* this is the blanket i made for my little Chubbily Bubbly. i love the flower pattern and the decorative stitch. it is so me!


* just some of the flower clips i've made. they are getting cuter each time i make them. thanks to amy for her creative expertise.


* one of the cute designs by Carol that i made at her card making Enrichment night a while ago.


more to come in the future, especially pictures of the giveaway prizes.

yours truly.

chapter 103 : almost time...

so i'm going to pick the winner on Weds., May 21st, so there is still plenty of time to enter again or tell others about it.
i also decided to change my prizes a bit. i'm going to give like this :

the biggie :
* handmade flannel baby blanket (you get to pick the one you like out of 4 different ones i am making)
* handmade childrens pillowcase
* 3 hair clips for a little girl (you pick the colors)
* 5 handmade cards, designed by my oh so creative friend, Carol Calloway (she designs for a scrapbooking store)
* an original piece of artwork...most likely with a bird in it :)

2nd place :
* an original apron made by my super cute & fabulous friend, Amber Folkman. the apron is yellow and white on one side and a light grayish blue on the other...so cute!
* 2 hair clips (you pick the colors)

the runner up :
* 2 hair clips (you pick the colors)
* 5 handmade cards

i thought this way, i could share with more people. thank you all again for commenting here. i appreciate your kindness...even if you are blogstalking Becky! just teasing

yours truly.

chapter 102 : good ol' flabbity flab and being LOST in the glorious sunlight!

today is one of those days for me...a FAT day! i've been super sick this past week with allergies (which my 1 year old also seems to have as she scratches her ears, head and rubs her eyes...poor baby) and a dumb cold so i haven't danced since last Sat. i can so tell! i just feel GROSS!

thank you all for your comments. i'm was working on items that are part of the giveaway tonight, but then of course i got out of my creative groove thanks to LOST. which by the way, i had almost given up on that show again (like the 10th time), but after last week and tonight, i'm back in Baby! next week's season finale will definitely not be one to miss. on nights like this, i love the 52 incher, but still long for a remodeled kitchen as well...awww the irony!

the most important information of all...it was like 75 degrees today and we were able to go outside and actually enjoy it. it's getting so bad that yesterday my 2 year old even commented something to the effect of, "where's the sunshine? i don't see it!" all i could do is hang my head in sadness and say, "i know. me too!"

i'm excited to get posting more again and to get the giveaway taken care of soon. keep your little eyes here for the exciting news of who the winner is...

yours truly.