chapter 16 : helpless?

yesterday i received an email that showed how grateful we should be to live so abundantly. it compared pictures between healthy children and starving children, children with loving parents and children without, etc. i had to stop looking before i got to the end. i couldn't bear it any longer. then i watch the interview on 20/20 with Jenna Bush, President Bush's daughter. she has spent 9 months in the carribean and south america teaching children. during this interview, they shared a really disturbing fact that said something like by 2010, there will be like 10 million orphans in the world. i'm not exactly sure of the numbers, but both of these incidents made me feel even more like i want to do something, but don't know what to do to help.
it also made me think about how selfish i can be. i want to find a job where i can work from home in the evenings or come up with an invention that makes a million bazillion dollars, but with that money, i am always thinking of all of the things i could get or do with it not of how i could help others.
this makes me sad, embarrassed and angry.
i want to help others and make their lives better, especially children who don't even have enough food to eat each day.
this experience also made me look at Taylie and think how i can do some better as a Mom to teach her and love her. i don't know why we are so blessed to have so much, but i am so grateful that my children can go to bed each night with a full stomach, a roof over their heads and a healthy body. who am i to complain when there are so many who don't even have a portion of what we do?
now the dilemma comes...do i ignore my feelings and go about my life or do i try to get involved and help where i can? if i choose the latter, what can i really do?
1. if i ever become super wealthy, then i can definitely donate lots of money to organizations like Unicef.
2. find something i can do to help NOW.
with a sense of helplessness i choose #2 and will try to get started soon.