chapter 119 : if this is real...

then it's truly a MIRACLE.  i'm still not sure if i believe it, but since i know for sure that Gladys Knight is a member, then i think there's a chance.  also, what an AMAZING missionary if so.  Just goes to show we should never judge whether we think someone might be interested in the Gospel or not.

go here and tell me what you think...

yours truly.

chapter 118 : grrrrr...i don't even know what to say

sometimes life sucks. yesterday and today have been exactly that for me : sucky!

i'm tired of there always being a "problem" in my life. i'm tired of never being happy. i'm tired of my life being the way it is. i'm tired of always seeking approval from sources that really don't matter. i'm tired of my mind lying to me. i'm tired of doubting myself and i'm tired of how extreme everything is in my life.

EVERYTHING is ALWAYS a BIG deal and i'm soso, so TIRED of it!

i feel so bad for mr. clean and my girls to have to live with me. i'm so over-the-top...too much...nazi-ish all the time. i'm sick of it.

i sincerely want to change, but i'm at a loss right now. i feel like if i could really SIMPLIFY my life then things would get better, but of course i lack the motivation to start doing that.

hoping things look up later today and the sun comes back too...

yours truly.

chapter 117 : it's double true

i'm a blogging LOSER! no posting in over a month. lucky you! lots of things have been going on lately and will have to try and catch up sometime. lacking motivation once again, but we'll see what i start doing more of now.

been LOVING the SUNSHINE and i try to leave my house as often as possible. been trying to go to bed at the latest by 10:30. totally not tonight! been doing better at spending less overall. works best if i don't have possession of my little, blue friend, mr. Chase Visa. been feeling socially inept...what's new! been eating too much and working out WAY too little. been loving taking pictures and aching for an 85mm/1.8 lens. been trying to be more grateful, enjoying each moment and trying to YELL less. been LOVING my family and checking one more HUGE one off my list...we "adopted!" and since i am totally the type of friend that everyone has that is always complaining about $, but always spends anyway, i've been totally relishing in this :

without further ado...mr. clean finally agreed/gave into me/felt sorry that cosemtology school didn't work/is more worried about her than i am most of the time/loves me so much...

i present Miss

isn't she so stinking adorable???

cleaning up lots of this (ok, not relishing in this...) :

wasting time on (only some of the culprits) :
* the Bachelorette finale. poor Jason...my home town boy lost!
* playing zone games. got my free online Catan subscription again...oh no!
* finally reading my scriptures again and trying to do those "small" things of "great" importance.

overcoming :
* my almost entrance into cosmetology school. the direct inspiration that i can NEVER deny said, "NO! Now is not time. Maybe it will never be time. You NEED to have more faith."

i was so grateful! in that moment, i was LOVED and i knew it. although i really didn't deserve it, i received it and that was more than i could have asked for.
(Thank YOU for keeping your promises and always giving when i ask!)

more posts to come sometime in the future (distant or far).

peace out.

yours truly.