chapter 16 : helpless?


yesterday i received an email that showed how grateful we should be to live so abundantly. it compared pictures between healthy children and starving children, children with loving parents and children without, etc. i had to stop looking before i got to the end. i couldn't bear it any longer. then i watch the interview on 20/20 with Jenna Bush, President Bush's daughter. she has spent 9 months in the carribean and south america teaching children. during this interview, they shared a really disturbing fact that said something like by 2010, there will be like 10 million orphans in the world. i'm not exactly sure of the numbers, but both of these incidents made me feel even more like i want to do something, but don't know what to do to help.
it also made me think about how selfish i can be. i want to find a job where i can work from home in the evenings or come up with an invention that makes a million bazillion dollars, but with that money, i am always thinking of all of the things i could get or do with it not of how i could help others.
this makes me sad, embarrassed and angry.
i want to help others and make their lives better, especially children who don't even have enough food to eat each day.
this experience also made me look at Taylie and think how i can do some better as a Mom to teach her and love her. i don't know why we are so blessed to have so much, but i am so grateful that my children can go to bed each night with a full stomach, a roof over their heads and a healthy body. who am i to complain when there are so many who don't even have a portion of what we do?
now the dilemma i ignore my feelings and go about my life or do i try to get involved and help where i can? if i choose the latter, what can i really do?
1. if i ever become super wealthy, then i can definitely donate lots of money to organizations like Unicef.
2. find something i can do to help NOW.
with a sense of helplessness i choose #2 and will try to get started soon.

chapter 15 : where do i start?


i'm super EXCITED because tomorrow morning at roughly 10:00 am (that is if i can get myself and the girls out the door at the latest by 9:30, stop at Jennifer's house to borrow her sewing machine, not chat too long catching up on how her awesome "no kids allowed" vacation with her husband and my trip to Utah went and then racing to Lynn's by 10:00) i am going to do my first sewing lesson since 6th grade. that is like 12 years people since i was in "crazy H's" class where we supposedly learned how to sew a pair of soccer shorts, the reason that you should wipe a baby's bottom from top down while changing them (especially girl babies) and that pepper is actually mouse poop that the FDA just looks past daily. Yes, Mrs. Hansen was a little wacko hence the nickname she received, but i definitely didn't come away from there with any confidence in my homemaking skills. in fact home ec. in North Sanpete Middle School was perhaps the biggest joke in my educational background beside the short driving time i had to put in to get my license. not my fault though, Andy Smith and i were the only two things standing in the way of Mr. Thomas being finished putting his life at complete and utter risk with crazy teenagers behind the wheel. who were we to stop him from passing us with driving only close to 2 hours (if i remember correctly) when you were supposed to drive 6. so what if i still suck at parallel parking? who needs it? even if i lived in Provo, Utah i couldn't park my SUV anyway. it's too big.
moving that i have an AMAZING friend who is willing to share her years of expertise, i can't wait to learn how to make heaps of things that i have on my "things to make list."
i'm also feeling "BLAH." you know the kind of "BLAH" you feel when you know you need to exercise, but would rather spend your time doing so many other things. it got even worse as i watched The Biggest Loser and thought about how there was motivation to not even get out the vanilla ice cream, but i did anyway. Shoot. i'm my own worst enemy in the body image department. i know how i feel inside isn't adding up to what i actually look like on the outside and i need to start doing something about, but i just don't want to spend the time and energy on it. i've got to figure out something though because i want to wear my old pants again and not look like a bloated hippo as i do in my recent license picture. i need some self control, but i'm lacking MAJOR motivation right now. oh if i only looked as cute as Baby K does with the extra rolls on her forearms and inside thighs. wouldn't the world be a wonderful place then?

p.s. i got some new jeans at Old Navy, the new diva style, and they are the best fitting jeans i've ever bought. i hope to get more soon because they are super amazing.

chapter 14 : big thanks


last week, i went to Utah to help recruit at BYU for Microsoft. beside the food, hotel, flight and car accommodations, one the biggest perks is that i am able to see and spend time with my family and friends. it was fun to see all of them and to meet my new nephew, Tracen, but it also puts me on the verge of being overwhelmed. not stressed by the trip or people, but overwhelmed by the aftermath. i have TONS to clean, do and try to get done and that doesn't include catching up in the blogging world.
when i was finally able to check some blogs yesterday, i felt a HUGE sense of relief that gratefully, i didn't really miss all that much. luckily for me, it must have been a SLOW week for most of bloggers that i read daily. that being said, i still waste too much time "in other people's business," but it was nice to know that the world didn't pass me by while i was away. so a BIG THANKS to all of you who don't even know i read your work and still cared enough to not do too much while i was gone. it feels good to be LOVED even if it wasn't on purpose.

author's note : another little project


for Lake Washington Toddler Group, we could make a place mat for lunch time. Teacher Amy is going to laminate them and then they will be able to use it each week. this is what i came up with for it. hopefully it wasn't too much trouble because i had so many layers. i really love retro flower patterns and so this was another perfect excuse to pull out that huge stack of scrapbooking paper and actually put it to good use.

author's note : the not so long-awaited reveal

finally, here are some pictures of the recent attempts i've made to add cute things to my home, paint and make some cards :

love this saying...

love how this looks...

painting project #1 :

my inspiration to make our big, red couch tie the living room, dining room & kitchen together...

one of the closest paint colors that matched with the flower paper...

the wall in the dining room before the big change...

daniel trying to make me happy by helping me. here he is starting with the primer...

the girls were so good while we painted. what cute little helpers!

after the primer...

after one coat...

after two coats (with the light on)...

after two coats (with the light off)...

painting wasn't too bad. we're not quite ready to do the entire house, but do have some touch-ups that we need to do. once we do one thing, we might as well go down the list, so we'll see what we tackle next. unfortunately, the guy at Home Depot sold me a lot more paint and primer than we really needed and sometimes it feels like 10,000 teenage mutant ninja turtles died on my wall. i think once i get a buffet table or a shelving unit with some other decorations in front of it, it will be just enough color, but not overwhelming. i love how our table looks next to it though. it's definitely not neutral by any means, but it's just a wall right?
sidenote: we did this project on sat. of Labor Day weekend. we tried Lowe's first and were greatly disappointed. after being there for close to an hour without getting what we needed and probably around 20 other people waiting to be helped also, we went home without buying anything. a little while later, i ran to Home Depot and was out of there in like 20-30 minutes. i don't think we're going to go to Lowe's again.

here are the cards i made for a bridal and baby shower. they're probably my two favorite cards i've made. i didn't look at them the next day and want to rip them to shreds while heading for the trash, so i knew it was a good sign.

chapter 13 : you sure have your hands full...


lately, i've received a couple of comments from people when i'm out in public by myself with my two girls. they say, "you sure have your hands full!" and add a light, you must be crazy/i feel bad for you laugh following their remark. i am such a "black and white" person and often there is little if any gray in the way i perceive life. in other words, i either give people the benefit of the doubt and think they must really be nice or i get super annoyed by peoples' rudeness, ignorance or stupidity. these recent comments are starting to get old really quick and actually give me even more determination to do more by myself with the girls.
i definitely don't mind when another mom of two or more offers to help or strikes a conversation where we elude to the struggles and joys of parenthood with two small children, but when a family of 3 (Dad, Mom and young son) stare at you in McDonalds and don't say anything, i feel like i'm on display for criticism and i haven't even done anything except follow the commandment, "multiply and replenish the earth" and "find joy in your posterity."
i would be so HYPOCRITICAL if i were to say that i'm not judgemental often. i am. i was raised to be so unfortunately, but that doesn't change the fact that as a young Mom, breastfeeding not even included in this topic :), i love my children and like going out with them.
i feel like getting over the loud speaker and yelling, "just in case you pass by me, i am the young Mom of two girls less than 16 months apart. i can breastfeed my baby, give my older daughter snacks, talk on my cell and push my double stroller through a door one-handed all at the same time (a little big of an exaggeration). so if you pass by me, please don't stare or make a snide remark like "Wow! you sure have your hands full!" just keep walking unless you want to pay for the $60 worth of diapers. thank you and have a nice day!"
there are times when i catch myself for some reason harboring on the line of racist and prejudice and this bothers me. i'm not sure why, but i'm aware of it and it's definitely NOT ok. so from now on i'm going to try to not judge others and in turn i don't want to judged either. if only i could get the rest of the world to cooperate.

chapter 12 : carpe to speak


while catching up on my blog stalking, i decided that i should "seize the moment" and actually put down my own thoughts instead of wasting the precious seconds i do have on other people's lives. about a month ago, i started reading "loving what is" by Byron Katie and in there she talks about being in other peoples' business. she tells about how freeing it is to only be in your business and not everyone else's. well it's so TRUE. i am constantly looking in other places beside my own life for inspiration while neglecting those moments i could be spending on my own memories and in my own business.
i get too caught up in the projects or posts people have put on the web, that i forget to pay attention to what is going on right around me in my own sphere. i think now that i can't even keep up with all i want to say, so why am i wasting so much time in other places? it's overwhelming and addicting at the same to keep delving into others' lives to see what new thing i could aspire to or spend unavailable funds on, but the simple truth is that i'm letting life pass me by all while hoping that i've captured a small piece of it in my online journal. i get so many ideas and thoughts of things that i should write so i can preserve these sweet moments with my girls, but then quickly they pass and i can't remember half of them.
i guess i could get depressed and sad about it or i can try to do better. i guess for me seizing the moment is more than what i am doing right now, it is THE PROCESS, THE JOURNEY, THE CONTINUAL BATTLE TO DO BETTER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. i think i am on the losing side of this situation most days, but days like today remind of what is possible and that just by thinking of BECOMING BETTER and RECOGNIZING it is what is most important.

chapter 11 : end of summer refreshment


had to hit up Target for what feels like the 25th time in 2 weeks. we were out of garbage bags and i needed some snacks for my Relief Society overnighter this evening. i think summer is over. i mean the smell of autumn swirled around us as we walked to the car and the slight chill in the air reminded me the monsoons will soon be approaching.
living near seattle, we get lots of rain, but the worst part is the lack of sunshine everyday. as it gets closer to winter, the days get so short that it seems like i can only feel the uv rays for 3 hours a day. it gets hard sometimes, but it is a beautifully green state despite this GIANT mishap.
i feel so refreshed though. i was able to help a friend with a project, talk to another friend and both of my girls napped, hence the "middle of the day sort of making sense" post. also got an email from another friend recently that gave me inspiration to continue being me. i am GRATEFUL at this time for my good health, wonderful family, great friends and amazing life. who am i to complain? i've been given so much!