chapter 60 : afb (away from blogging)

i haven't posted too much lately and i'm blaming it on this and the Gilmore Girls dvds i borrowed from Lisa.

chapter 59 : my moment of silence

tonight i am saddened by the loss of the prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley. for more information on his life and legacy, please go here. what a beautiful and inspirational example of hope in times of desperation, of light in times of darkness and of positivity in times of despair. his call to strive to do a little better will always remain in my mind and heart. this world has truly lost it's present leader. he was truly a man of faith, honor, love and obedience. i am grateful and also look forward to who will be the next leader.

chapter 58 : ummm...yeah

by about 11:30 pm, my madness
begins
to make sense.

and i fight between the slumber
i desperately need
and the few moments
i truly have
alone.

constant reflecting plagues my mind
as i drift into fantasy about
who or
what or
why or
what really matters
and how i often
despise
who i am.

it's ironically funny that i often preach
about allowing others to change
and yet a hypocrit i remain,
holding onto agony and pain
vainly created by
me
while always dishonestly believing that
it will be made right in the end.

i just know that i don't want to
become
my past, like advisors or an idle being
who wastes themselves in unimportance.

once again tired, i hope my mind
will be able to rest as i desperately
try to embrace
tangibility
and overcome my deep feelings of wrong
and despair
and being uncomfortable in what should be
one of my most beautiful positions in life.

to just have the desire to touch you
and never let go
and be in love like they were the other night.
i crave it and yet the motivation
needed
fails me.

i must continue despite my flaws
and insecurities and with heavy lids
i don't accept this part of what is
because
it's too much to overlook.

i'm sorry for my consistent problem causing.
i know how else to be, but just can't make myself do it.

chapter 57 : revisiting the past once again

sad.
so sad.

i wish i could put it all behind me.

here i am with my true self exposed.
hoping they will forgive me.
healing is difficult through the ashes of the fire
i started
so long ago.

longing for acceptance,
but it all becomes clear
again...

you can't mend
broken wings,
broken eyes,
or broken things
if the mender is too blind
to see it.

(thank you to all from my past who see me now and don't make me live who i once was...)

chapter 56 : all hail the cleanliness

my husband got home late from work today and is still working now at 10:25 pm. after he came in the door, i dashed out to do some shopping. upon my return and as i set some of the bags on the counter, i noticed a distinct, chemical type smell which i couldn't place. then it hit me as i walked back toward the door...mr. clean had attempted to finish painting our entry/hallway. he would have completely succeeded, but our small pint of taupe (i like to think of it more as espresso) just wasn't enough.
to spoil me even more, he cleaned our first floor as well. he did all with our little Chubbers in tow, chronic lower back pain, a sore toe and arthritis/carpal tunnel/mr. clean's usual 500 daily illnesses that don't stop him.
who would have ever thought i deserved such sweet acts of kindness...not me that's for sure!

thank you. thank you. thank you my handsome, studly mr. clean.

chapter 55 : would you like some cream with that?

look what showed up at my house a couple days after we got home from our Christmas trip? i love this thing! nothing makes me happier than special drinks and mr. clean got me just what the doctor ordered.
all you do is pour in your milk (we don't use water here), pour in your favorite instant hot chocolate mix (i prefer Stephen's Raspberry Chocolate), push the button to on and then wait for it to do it for you. it comes out at almost the perfect temperature and you can even have froth if you want too. now i just need some super cute mugs and i'm set for a cold winter's day or any day for that fact...i've had a cup a day to get me through the last week.
so if you ever need a great pick me up, pick one of these up or let me know and i'll bring it over and it will froth your worries away too.

chapter 54 : mine

at 8:08 pm 2 years ago

reality struck me

you were mine

your full, auburn hair

your deep dimples

you were mine

i still don't understand why

i'm so blessed that

you are mine

cautiously you watch

new situations

you are mine

ornery when tired

ornery when hungry

you are mine

always loving Daddy

needing your baby

you are mine

i can't imagine

life without you

you are mine

thank you for choosing

the right plan, for eternity

you are mine.