chapter 78 : paralyzed

blindsided, paralyzed
by my own mind

thoughts
travel
through time
tracing
tearful tries

and hypocrital lies
that deny
my inside
to be made fully
whole.

my tangible being tired
my intangible soul
slipping,
sliding,
gliding,
diving,
riding
the waves of midnight hours.

word plays and wasted moments
eloping
with fat food and sugary treats
create
my everyday reality
and life as it always is...

standing still.

unable to grasp the moment
unable to let go of the past
constantly critical
and always complaining
because you owe me something for all that i've done
for you.

i'm entitled. i deserve it
because of my intentions and commitment
to our bond.

the words come and keep me from
ever completely listening
and cause me to constantly compose
drama, anxiety, and drama.

if only i could be like Him.