chapter 91 : reflecting upon my reflection

today i talked with one of my great friends. she never ceases to inspire and amaze me. during our conversation, i shared a recent experience i had where i learned A LOT about paying attention to the Spirit and acting upon those feelings. toward the end of our chat, i told her that she was lucky that she didn't know me like 10 years ago and later i found myself reflecting upon my own reflection in the mirror.
the person i was about 8 years ago and who i am now are two very different people. in many ways, i am who i always have been because i know that personality is something that isn't CHANGED very easily if at all, but i also truly hope that i am someone BETTER.
as i look back, i think i always look for an explanation for the choices i made.
honestly, i'm NOT over them completely either!
but i also find hope in the future.

i find it interesting though that when i'm critical of others, not as forgiving of faults as i should be or my thinking turns to placing myself higher than others (all of which i wish wasn't part of me), i often realize how HYPOCRITICAL i am. who am i to think _________ about someone when the things i do, the ways i act or the words i speak are probably often the same as what i'm condemning.

my heart is truly heavy at this moment and i feel overwhelmed by my inadequacies. i feel strained by my weaknesses. i feel burdened by the small sins i commit that prohibit me from truly acting like Jesus Christ in my life.

i know this moment will pass and i will feel this way again in the future, but i hope that next time i will think before i open my mouth.

yours truly.