chapter 116 : oh blessed sunshine. how i adore you...

honestly, sunday was a hard day for me. father's day! let's just say that i am so grateful for my mr. clean who is such a good Daddy. my girls are so blessed to have him.
i'm still not over some issues in my past and sometimes they haunt me on a daily basis. i'm not sure if i will ever be over them. at this point, i can't imagine releasing that hurt and filling it up with something else. it just doesn't seem fathomable to me at this stage in my life. so like i learned to do so well in the past, i will just keep acting like nothing is going on because the people has to do with, don't care anyway. who i am and what i do doesn't really matter to them and i don't know if i'll ever understand that. to be ok with that makes me feel like i've lost hope or something.
after my last post though, i feel like i MUST head back to a more positive direction. i just want to share how grateful i am to a most kind and loving Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS so mindful of me and my little family. i am so thankful that mr. clean and i have ALWAYS been so BLESSED financially...not that we're wealthy to most around us, but compared to many in the world, i know we are. unfortunately though i know that i take it for granted and so i am so thankful when i see the ways which His hand intercedes and helps guide us so we are taken care of. paying tithing and fast offerings truly protect and bless lives.
i am also so grateful for the health of my family. even though mr. clean has chronic back pain and does more than he should to help me without hardly any complaint, we have been so blessed. both of our girls have had basically no major sicknesses or problems their entire pregnancies and lives and i truly hope that they will always stay this way and always stay safe. unfortunately today, my new doctor called and told me that my blood tests show that i have Hashimoto's thyroiditis (like Hypothyroidism). if this is truly the case, then it potentially could explain a lot about what i have experienced for a long time. it is an autoimmune disease and among different ways to treat it are taking medication for the rest of my life. my heart was heavy this afternoon as i wasted my time watching tv and eating to comfort myself.
i don't even think i'm going to tell certain "important" people in my life though. i don't think they care enough about me that i don't want their sympathy in this regard. we'll see though. i'll probably end up telling them in hopes that they will truly care about me, but in the end i will probably just be let down again, saddened by their lack of true concern and love for me.

anyways...i'm truly am so grateful for the many ways i have been blessed in my life and pray that most of all, my children will be safe, happy and taught to stay close to their Heavenly Father.

yours truly.

p.s. we got more emergency food items for our 72 hour kits today. i'm so excited because it's one less thing for me to have to worry about...