chapter 115 : at least i've got Wilson or maybe i can find one this summer at a yard sale anyway...


i am overwhelmed!

from the outrageous price of gas and food to the constant weight of knowing i need to get my family food storage and emergency essentials together. then there is the constant dismal weather that keeps gracing my days (thankfully we saw the sun this afternoon!). it's all feeling TOO MUCH!
i SO need a vacation, but could never justify the money it would cost when there are so many other things we need to get "just in case." all of the pressure i feel makes me end up wanting to do nothing, sleep too much and not answer my phone. got to know it's bad when i stopped keeping up with the blogging world in Google Reader or checking Freecycle for the unwanted items i can drive mr. clean crazy with by cluttering my home even more. in fact i feel a need to get rid of things...something must really be going on.
then i think of what it was like growing up with a bi-polar Dad and cringe and feel defeated because i yelled at my girls too much today (i can hardly believe with my past that i even yell at my sweet babies at all)! i NEVER want to be like the two "fathers" i had and yet it's almost like i'm destined for it.
i haven't cried yet, but feel like i'm on the verge sometimes throughout the day. i'm going to give myself credit for the "sort of" clean that i did in my house today. it was my attempt to overlook the couple of hours of tv i watched in the afternoon and the QUALITY attention that i FAILED to give my precious girls. i was a BAD Mom today for sure.
i'm so lacking in motivation and can't bring myself to be excited about even finishing my giveaway projects. sorry recipients...pray for sunshine!

hoping tomorrow is better and that i don't feel like i'm stranded on a deserted island...

yours truly.


TaNicka said...


You are way to hard on your self.Being a stay at home mom is a hard thing,we all yell at our kids way to much on some occasion.You are a GREAT mom.Hope you have a better day today.I will be crashing your house again really soon.


Lindsay said...

I totally get your need to see the sun! This cold, rainy June is getting to all of us!

And hey, being a "good mom" is not about one day and just cause you yell sometimes doesn't mean you are like them. I think you're great! And your kids are too!

I'm praying for the sunshine too!

Sariah said...

Believe me, I know it feels terrible when you do yell at your kid. But I think it's even worse when my two year old copies my tone of voice and says it to the baby. That's a good wake up call for me to keep working on my patience.

But, I'm so thankful for the opportunity we have to repent because I certainly need that in my life.

But also don't being to hard on yourself for making a mistake. You care and don't want to do it. That's important.