chapter 46 : so sorry

so sorry to all of you who love my blog ;), but i'm going to have to take a little break and get caught up on my family space. i've been doing so great at my daily thankful thoughts, but i am so FAR behind with 2 cameras now. i also need to update my recent projects here too. will come back soon...hopefully. it all depends on tonights tv line up...

*b

chapter 45 : if only

often, i am a person who lives in "if only" mode. there are many times that i get lost in thoughts of "what if i had ________ in stead of ________?" or "i should have done __________ before i did/had/became _________." the problem with all of this thinking is that it gets me no where.
there are many regrets in my life and i always wanted to be the girl without them. i became a "statistic" in many aspects of my life that i wish could be erased permanently, not only from my memory, but from the entire 1997-2001 student body of Delta High School. oh, and the different people in my life between the years of 2002-2004. to put it plainly...
i was very stupid!
so now with sorrow weighing heavy on my mind and sadness seeping from my heart, i admit i can't change my past. i wish i could change minute details of me now, which i'm not a huge fan of, that came from these previous experiences.

the lazy girl who watches way too much tv and knew it would be a problem.
the food addict who can't make herself stop sometimes.
the all or nothing thought process which clouds most of my thinking and ultimately inhibits me
from doing the things i should do for my husband, family and self. (i also make excuses)

today's not my favorite day nor my worst. maybe tomorrow will be better.

i'm grateful for those who inspire me to do better. i have a wonderful friend whose words often pop into my head which remind me of small things to do each day to be a better wife and mother. thank you dear friend for this, the play kitchen you gave us for the girls and all of your many wondeful gifts and talents.

chapter 44 : oh happy day

tonight for my big 25 celebration, mr. clean sort-of surprised me with a dinner out without the girls. he had some of our great friends come and spend the evening with them while we went and after too. for dinner, i learned i don't like crab that much, but in a effort to go where i wanted to go he went somewhere he didn't...the crab pot. even though we didn't go for long, it was nice to have it just be us. i even got cheesecake to go, but will have to save it for later as our friends surprised me with a super yummy chocolate ice cream cake. can't go wrong there...no sir! so a HUGE thank you to everyone who made this day special for me. from emails and cards to im's and phone calls to babysitting and treats, i couldn't ask for better (unless someone can talk my husband into a puppy next year ;) ) the biggest thanks goes out to my wonderful husband for trying to surprise meand do something i want plus he got me the nicest, small digital camera on the market today (pictures of it to come in the future). thanks honey!

well on this joyous occasion, how can i not be grateful for ice cream cakes and birthdays. yum, yum, yum!

chapter 43 : being content with my job

i'm grateful that i am able to stay home each day with my girls and be their full-time Mommy. although i'm definitely not the best at cleaning, cooking or the usually wife/mom stuff, i hope that the time i spend with my family is most important. i am also grateful for my loving husband's support of me doing this. i feel like there is no other place i should be than here each day.

chapter 42 : a little each day

i'm grateful for counsel that i was given before we got married. someone told us that we should read something together each day. i can really see a difference in our marriage when we do this simple thing together.

chapter 41 : F Y eye

just in case you were curious...

saw dan in real life last night. it was super great! just added it to my fave movies list. love steve carrell and it's pretty clean minus the 2 little risky parts.

i officially love roasted red pepper hummus with pita chips. now this is a huge stretch for me since i don't enjoy healthy food that much, but it's absolutely wonderful. i definitely prefer the trader joe's version over others and come to think of it, their pita chips are better too. oh and their flowers last the longest and are super inexpensive too.

still love my girls as much as ever. taylie is starting to speak in sentences and kylie is like a "baby buddah" when she goes from crawling to sitting. it's adorable.



i am so grateful for the health insurance that we have because of mr. clean's job. it's such a blessing to not have to worry about that on top of everything else in life or how we will pay for doctor's visits. we are truly blessed.

chapter 40 : almost talented

i'm grateful for talents. i'm thankful for the opportunities that i have been given to learn so much and then be able to use it creatively or try anyway. it's amazing how at first we might not know the reason we are supposed to do things, but in the end the answer is made clear to us.
i have had lots of chances to help others with talents i have been given and hope that i can continue to do so throughout my life.

chapter 39 : almost traditionless

today's thankful thought : i am grateful for the holiday season where we can relax and spend time with family and friends. even though we are still a young family without many traditions of our own yet, it is nice that can begin to enjoy this time of year together.

chapter 38 : understanding my normalcy

today's thankful thought : earlier today, i went with one of my super great friends, the photographer behind this site and this blog, to check out a boutique in west seattle. beside getting lost several times and making it to the store about 10 minutes before close, i had so much fun getting out with her.
i am so grateful for people who i can share myself with and who i know understands me. it is such a blessing to have wonderful friends in my life now, in the past and hopefully more in the future who help me to know that i am normal (ok, well sort of ;) ). i am thankful that i can be myself, am accepted for it and that there are those who still want to spend time with me despite my flaws.

thank you to all of you who do this for me.

chapter 37 : pure sweetness

today's thankful thought : i am so grateful for sweet & precious babies. i have been so blessed to have the two most beautiful girls. it is so amazing to be able to have these two wonderful little people in our home, lives and family. they make my world brighter, my life more meaningful and make me want to be a better person. i am truly blessed!

chapter 36 : anyone? anyone?

is there anyone staying in the Eastside (Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond) area that wants to get together for Thanksgiving? let us know if you would like to. we could bring a mean, store-bought anything for dinner ;)

chapter 35 : i know

today's thankful thought : "The Prophet Joseph said at one time that one of the greatest sins of which the Latter-day Saints would be guilty is the sin of ingratitude.I presume most of us have not thought of that as a great sin. There is a great tendency for us in our prayers and in our pleadings with the Lord to ask for additional blessings. But sometimes I feel we need to devote more of our prayers to expressions of gratitude and thanksgiving for blessings already received."
my gratitude today is for my testimony of the true Gospel on the earth today (http://www.lds.org/) i am so thankful to be a member of my church and for the wondeful blessings i have in my life because of it. i am so grateful that because of the temple covenants i have made that i can have an eternal family. i am grateful for a loving and patient Heavenly Father who always blesses me in more ways than i could imagine. i am so grateful for an Elder brother, Jesus Christ, who prepared the way through the Atonement that we can be forgiven of our sins and return to our Heavenly Father's presence once again. i am thankful for the Holy Ghost who as a member of the Godhead can be with me at all times if i choose to live righteously and worthily of this amazing blessing. i am sincerely grateful for a prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, on the earth today who provides revelation from God in this day. i am grateful for true scriptures and that my prayers are heard and answered. i am grateful to be a daughter of God and blessed so abundantly.
i know all of this is true.
if you are interested in learning more, i would be happy to help you. it is the best thing you can add to your life. it will bring change, but most importantly it will bring peace through Jesus Christ.

chapter 34 : blogity blog blog blog...

today's thankful thought : i am very grateful for blogging. not only has it opened my eyes to many wonderfully talented and amazing people in the world, but it helps keep track of my most important memories. i am thankful that blogging has combined my need for a journal and my affection for the computer. what a great forum for creativity, expression and being in other peoples' business...nothing but love for my fellow stalkers!

chapter 33 : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

today's thankful thought : i'm very grateful for sleep. speaking of...i'm going to catch me some now. night y'all!

chapter 32 : simplifying chaos

tonight while playing one of my recent addictions, astropop, on the 360, my pre-carpal tunnel once again engulfed my wrists. then there was the Oprah episode on compulsive hoarding and the thought even crossed my mind today about how i don't ever want a larger home than we have now (like 1263 sq. ft.) because then that means that i have to decorate it and fill it with stuff. right now that sounds overwhelming and stressful.

i mean i can't even keep up with the jones' or the trumps' or the gates' now!

i've definitely not got the "balanced" part down yet. i can't pay for everything i want for my home, my girls, my wardrobe, my bazillion-barely touched hobbies and also pacify my husbands desires for toys too (he's really not bad at all). i can't buy presents for everyone, make special gifts for all of my friends and also make my home beautiful. plus then how do i also stay up on emergency preparedness, all the classes i want to take with the girls and drive a nice car too? oh and there's that little part about serving and giving of my time and talents to bless the lives of others. it's all pretty overwhelming.
basically even though i want to be that girl that looks like she has it all, i'm realizing more and more that it's all just stuff and i need to try harder to live within my means. my girls need that. my husband needs that.

i need to stop overindulging my life and start simplifying my soul. i need to realize that my life is full and fulfilling on its own without temporal things. i need to remember the difference between true needs and wants. (remind me of this post next time you see my full cart at Target!)

today's thankful thought : today i am so grateful for my extremely sweet, let's me sleep in late in the morning, gets up with our oldest daughter each day, husband's excitement in life. whether it's the new paintball gun he's redoing, his love for his job or the latest 12 games coming out this holiday season, his display of enthusiasm for life is so wonderful and invigorating. not only does he make me smile (which is usually not shown outwardly...i'm an emotion showing dork), but he loves our girls and is so amazed at the precious characteristics about them. he often comments on how blessed we are to have them. i love you honey and "that's what she said!" ;)

chapter 31 : alleviating evening spending

recently, thoughts of "how i should use my time appropriately" have been gracing brainwaves. i have many things i would like to do or at least attempt in my lifetime, but most of them come down to time and money of course. i am often trying to come up with the perfect work-from-home job that i could do in the evenings. if i could find something like this, it would alleviate at least two issues. #1 : i would use my time purposefully and #2: my husband wouldn't be stressed by my spending habits if i brought in a little cash.
problem solved? perhaps, but it will take some time to get into it. and if it's the right thing, you'll definitely hear about it in the future.

today's thankful thought : i am so grateful this day to be able to stay home with my children and watch them blossom before my eyes each day. i am so grateful to my husband for allowing me the privilege to fulfill this greatest opportunity of my life. it is so amazing to know how much Heavenly Father loves you by the blessings he gives you. i could never imagine having a greater and more fulfilling calling in my life than to be the mother and wife to my wonderful family.

chapter 30 : snapdragon, yellow & rocky road. huh?

so apparently i am a snapdragon. it totally surprised me cuz i don't really feel like it fits me at all.

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

then there's the yellow crayon weirdness...

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

and who can leave out which flavor of ice cream i am? i don't even really like choclate ice cream at all. go figure!

chapter 29 : GRattitude

tonight i attended my Relief Society Holiday Dinner. i had a great time chatting with friends, eating yummy food and listening to wonderful messages. the theme centered on GRATITUDE and it made me think of ways that i need to improve so i thought that i could use this as my forum to try and write one thing that i am grateful for each day. hopefully this way i will post a lot more and also i will remind myself of how truly blessed i am.

today's thankful thought : i am so grateful for new friends today. to get to know one of them better go here. (Alicia...hope you have a great time on your trip and that you got all packed tonight. i'm glad that B didn't get kicked off the Biggest Loser tonight. let's get together and watch it when your back in town. i'm so glad to have another crafty, blogstalking buddy)

chapter 28 : i'm it

six things you probably never knew about me, well some of you might know them. what to tell that most people don't already know? thanks to Linds for the tag.

1. Lamb Day...
for most of my childhood, i grew up next door to my great-grandparents in a super small town called Ftn. Green, Utah. i have many memories of growing up there, but one thing that you can't not know about is Lamb Day. during this middle of July, yearly celebration, many festivities are held. most of them are common to small town traditional celebrations like a parade, talent show, games at the park and a softball tournament, but there is one even that most people don't have...a sheep show. like a dog show, when i would show (not to be confused with sheering) a lamb, i would be judged on it. my lamb was like my pet that i was supposed to train and get ready for the show each year. we actually put quite a bit of work into it. at the end of the show, people would purchase our lambs and we would get the money. if you're ever in Utah, head down to Lamb Day and get yourself a hot lamb sandwich...

2. i LOVE orbit sweet mint gum. it's AMAZING!!!

3. i LOVE good surprises a lot. my husband can never keep a secret from me and so i always know everything before i'm supposed to. i definitely could use a good surprise soon Honey...hint hint ;)

4. i hardly ever laugh at entertainment like movies or tv. even if i think something is funny, there is rarely a time that i will laugh at it. occasionally when there is a great line in the office, i watch "who's line is it anyway" or if i see the "little Jerry Seinfeld" episode where Kramer gets a rooster, then i will laugh, but it's not too often that i really do.

5. i really want to find one hobby that i love and stick to it. i keep trying tons of new things and like all of them a little bit, but i want to find one that i love.

6. i have one stinkin' cute family. ok so you already knew that, but it's true. see for you yourself here.

and tag, you're it...michelle, sariah, amanda bailey, amanda jones, ashley lunt, tatum, mr. clean, joanne and anyone else who reads this :)

chapter 27 : diapers and drugs

each year at my husband's work they have a giving tree. if you would like to, you can choose a tag from the tree and purchase the item on it for someone in need. we have participated each year, but this year our hearts broke.
one tag was requesting things for a 1 year old child. the parent who needs this wasn't asking for toys or stuff that is commonplace to most of us, but they asked for diapers.
with tears filling my eyes at this moment, as a mother and human being, i can't imagine having that be my wish for my child at Christmas...diapers. how selfish am i each day to not remember how blessed i truly am? how ungrateful am i to not give more of my monetary blessings as well as my time to those who have less than i?
last year we had a similar experience. some tags were asking for gift cards so that elderly people could be able to get their prescriptions filled. my heart aches to realize again how much we truly have and yet we always want more and better.
i guess when i don't see something i don't remember its there and that is how i am about what others need around me.
too often i think we are too worried about how someone might use our help. perhaps we shouldn't waste our time on what they might do with what we give and instead focus on just giving.
this holiday season and in the future, i hope that i can be more aware of how much i have and more willing to give. after all, isn't that what Christ would want us to do? He would want us to give of ourselves without thought of ourselves. who am i to not do better?
i have so much. i can buy my children diapers (the expensive ones at that), we get our prescriptions covered 100%, and we still have money to buy what we want.
my heart aches...

chapter 26 : here we go again...

i'm in a slump, a huge SLUMP.
i don't have too many complaints except for one. i at that time again where i have no motivation for much (hence the lack of posts). i haven't been wanting to do or doing much of anything but wasting my time. so i apologize to the readers, though they may be few, who actually read my blog.
i realize quite often how my girls will not be tiny for very long and i want to hold on to each moment and them while i can and yet my little Bug will soon be 2. it's gone so quickly and it's not fair to them that their Mommy is not capturing the memories of their childhood.
shoot.
i want more sunlight!
it's time to pick up the slack, tell the clouds and rain to shove it and move forward.
hopefully more coming soon...