chapter 98 : tuned out

so i was definitely one of THOSE moms today. you know the type where you talk to your friends at the indoor playground and realize that your child needs your help. the kind of mom who talked on the phone to friends for a great part of the afternoon. the mom who wasn't really tuned into her kids needs today.
yeah, i admit it...i need to REFRESH myself in my role as "Mommy." my girls are so sweet and need a more TUNED IN parent.

yours truly.

chapter 97 : move along, move along like i know you [need to] do...

recently i had to give someone a gift. with the gifts, i included a card and had one of the most DIFFICULT times of my life figuring out what to write in it.
it was very hard because i have a deep history with this person and should be able to conjure up many wonderful words of "miss you's" or "hope to see you soon," but i just couldn't bring myself to be dishonest in that fashion. before you go on thinking, "Wow, she's a HUGE brat!" let me say that first i probably am not the nicest person ever even though i try to be and always find myself realizing that my motivation almost completely lies in selfish regard although i don't mean for it to be that way. and secondly, probably the most important piece of information needing to make sense of this verbage is the fact that the older (yeah 25 is getting up there ;) ) i get the more i realize that i don't need certain people in my life and i really want to continue distancing myself from my past in a VAST way.
i am grateful for many lessons and people who influenced me in the past to make me who i am today, but honestly, much of that PRIOR life just brings drama, renumeration about being stuck in emotional high school/middle school/abusive family & home life hell, and relationships with people who aren't capable to give me what i really need in a relationship with them. basically it's all really depressing to me as the longer i hold onto wanting something i can't have the longer and more painfully it continues to hurt as i will never understand why certain people don't behave the way they "should" because of the role they are in.
okay so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...i know, but what i'm trying to get at is that while i had a hard time with this card situation, i got thinking that i'm getting closer and closer to moving forward in my life with greater purpose and drive and that i really don't need those people in my life who don't really care about me.

IF RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOXIC or SOMEONE REALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE then be smarter than me and DROP THEM LIKE THEIR "HOT!"

yeah, yeah...easier said that done, but at least i'm recognizing it. the time is soon approaching for change...if only i had some MAJOR courage!

yours truly.

chapter 96 : this n' that

right now i am so LOVING :

* being creative...making baby blankets, clips, pillowcases, etc. (pictures to come)
* dancing again
* my family
* i saw the sun today if only for a brief period
* the many ways i'm exercising my talents
* that my color printer FINALLY has ink once again thanks to the cheap deal on eBay
* Cirque du Soleil very soon
* fresh fruit
* the SUPER cute tin box of fabric that i got for 50% off
* the new, little wooden bird i got...so cute!!!
* my sewing machine

i am currently not IN LOVE with :

* my lack of patience
* rain
* not being able to attend Jacqueline's dance class at least twice a week
* bedtime
* when people share inappropriate, personal information
* feeling guilty
* still not knowing my "place" in life
* bad timing
* my "muffin-top" :(
* being hungry, but nothing sounding good

yours truly.

chapter 95 : sharing the facts...

since i started watching tv again, occasionally i will watch the Nancy Grace Show. i used to really appreciate how she seemed to "fight for the victim" in the stories she reported about, but now i'm getting really FED UP with their stupid misreported facts about the FLDS polygamy saga and their religion's connection to Joseph Smith.
so tonight, after a 2nd false statement, i couldn't take it any longer. i am so PASSIONATE about things that are important to me and this is SO important to me. i would never want anyone to think that my religion is linked to something illegal and wrong like this. yes, in the past like 150 years they participated in polygamy as a commandment from our Heavenly Father, but the times were so different then. now though, we DON'T do that in our church and we do not condone abuse and isolation like the FLDS religion does. in fact our church doesn't support criticizing other religions at all, but we also don't believe in the illegal practices that they have in the FLDS church either.
so without further hestitation, i give you my "get the facts of stories right" email that i sent to the show...

"I have seen two separate shows of yours which link the FLDS church with Joseph Smith improperly. While I do not know the FLDS' exact correlation with Joseph, I do know that the things stated on your show about him are FALSE. As a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, whose first prophet was Joseph Smith and whose teachings we still study today, we no longer support polygamy or those who practice it. For instance, on your show tonight, April 28th, you state Joseph Smith's birthday as being on April 6th and that is why the FLDS church members honor that day. Well, I must inform you of the truth. His birthday is actually Dec. 23, 1805 and as stated in a previous show about the color red, we, the true followers of Joseph Smith's teachings, do not have anything against the color red or any color for that matter.
As someone who tries to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and also respect the life of a Prophet whom I know to be true, Joseph Smith, I ask that you please research your facts better before connecting my religion with one that certainly DOES NOT follow the true teachings of Christ and his True modern-day prophets on the earth now. If you would like a good book to get facts from, please read "Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith," that is published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2007.
I have grown up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my entire life and have never been taught anything like what the FLDS and Warren Jeffs teaches and in fact we abhor abuse, isolation and dishonesty.
Thank you for getting your facts straight in the future and may all of these children be shown that there is a better and safer life other than what they've been taught."

so i hope that they will do better research before nationally televising things about the first Prophet of my Church and falsely connecting the awful things that are going on in the FLDS church with the TRUE church.

yours truly.

chapter 94 : blessed memories

some major points that are still looming on my mind :
* i haven't given up hope on being able to go to cosmetology school just yet, but i'm coming to ACCEPT that NOW isn't the right time for it.
* i DESPERATELY want a mini schnauzer. i think it would make my world a better place...some may disagree, but i LOVE puppies and so do my girls.
* i'm currently working on this baby quilt by the oh so FABULOUS Kelly McCaleb...oh and about a million other projects that i never finish...
* i'm so grateful for how MINDFUL my Heavenly Father is of me and for friends that let us invite ourselves to their house...not mentioning any names, jennifer!

my thoughts tonight though are turned to a very important person who i was privileged to know in my life, my sweet, yet bold Nana. today was her birthday. she was my maternal great-grandmother and i was so BLESSED to grow up so close to so many of my grandparents.
tonight, my hearts swells with gratitude for the woman she was; the caffeine-free diet coke habit she had; her soap-opera, Wheel of Fortune and Murder She Wrote addictions; the way she always welcomed us into her home without reservations because we were hers; her false teeth; playing Huskerdoo with me; the way she listened to the local police scanner and then would go and find out where all the "action" was taking place; the way she is still with me each day.

who would i be without the irreplaceable love that i was shown while i was growing up by these wonderful, faithful, kind and sometimes harshly honest elders in my life? the truth is that i don't know, but more importantly, i do feel a great connection to my past because of them. i learned some wonderful lessons because of who they were and i can only imagine how sweet our reunion will one day be when i can thank them for their aid in my life.

i KNOW that they are with me and help me get through hardships i face. i can feel them lifting and buoying me at times when i feel alone. what a BEAUTIFUL blessing from our Heavenly Father to know that i have extra help when i need it most. i am truly never forgotten even amidst my inadequacies.

so THANK YOU my sweet Nana, Grandpa Jim, Grandma Beth and Grandpa Elmo for your ever present strength and life. i love you, miss you and pray i can pass on who you were to my children if only through my memories of you.

yours truly.

chapter 93 : i'm on S-T-R-I-K-E!

dear weather,

i want you to know that i am really starting to despise you! it was bad enough that i have to endure "seattle" dreariness during a great part of the year, but now you've GONE too far! i NEVER know what to wear, what to think or what temperature i should set my thermostat to. one minute your snowing and church is cancelled, then you shoot up to a BEAUTIFUL 85 degrees where i can see the light at the end of this winter hole and almost ALL of my wildest dreams are coming true and then you, you BLASTED weather you, snow and hail on us by the following sat.
what is one to make of all of this chaos? what is a poor girl to do? i don't want to give up on summer, but i've just about pulled out the BIG GUNS, called up HAWAII and made a treaty to kick your booty where the sun don't shine...LITERALLY.
don't give up just yet though. there is still one way to win my heart back, but it includes the following : SUN, the beach and perfect, warm temperatures until NOV. got that?

all my love and wrath,

yours truly.

chapter 92 : we're all going to die...

thanks to all of you who commented on my "100th post giveaway." since i loved the comments and like everyone who said something so much, i'm going to do it. so stay tuned into this, your most favorite blog in the entire blogosphere (i'm a huge dork, i know!), and pretty soon #100 will be here...well if i'd actually post more anyway!

so last night as i was trying to find something and with our "on demand" out for like the 4th time in 3 weeks, i happened to see a commercial for the news. one of the quick teasers they said was something like, "tune in to find out why walmart and other big stores pull baby bottles off the shelves." so of course with my cute little ones using bottles and sippy cups like 50 times daily, i knew i needed to check it out. upon a little research, i found out that they were talking about BPA (bisphenol A) and it's possible problem causing issues.
in my Social Work program at BYU, we were told a saying that goes something like this, "if you see something once, notice it. if you it a 2nd time, pay attention. if you see it a 3rd time, do something about it." ok, ok, that's definitely not word for word, but i like to use this type of reasoning when i see something come up time and again in my life as has the issue and awareness of BPA.
my wonderful MIL was warning us about this exact thing 2 years ago, then i heard about it again subtly and now when i saw that last night on the news and read this earlier, that Canada is banning products without it, i knew i needed to do more research to try and protect my family from a possible danger.
now i know there is so much in the world that we can worry and fret over, like the lead based paint toy scare and only eating organically because of the toxins and chemicals in food, but i'm really starting to feel like my family needs to try and avoid BPA as much as possible. i also know that there probably is no for sure way to avoid everything that has it in it, but i want to try. so earlier today, we made a trip to Babies R' Us and picked up some great bottles, sippy cups, and utensils for the girls.
some of the items that show as "BPA free" on their packaging are a lot more expensive that the usual cheap cups and lids i've bought in the past, but i think it's worth it if i can help my children stay away from the possible dangers that may end up being linked to BPA-containing plastics.

so if you're interested in learning more about what's safe and what's not, here are some great links to check out :

http://safemama.com/2007/11/22/bpa-free-bottle-and-sippy-cup-cheat-sheet/
http://zrecs.blogspot.com/2007/11/z-report-bisphenol-in-baby-bottles-and.html

just an FYI though, these lists sort of contradict each other, so some other research may need to be done or you can even call the manufacturer of a product if you want to be extra sure. my best advice would be though to just follow the Spirit and go with what you feel right. now that we have some new products in our home, i feel better and like we're on a better path of safety for our children.

hope this helps...

yours truly.

p.s. just found this link http://zrecs.blogspot.com/2007/12/bpa-in-infant-formula-notes-on.html regarding baby formula and that the levels of BPA in them are too high! so i'm going to stop reading anything as i'm starting to get panic-attack feeling over the dangers of this...just hoping i'm doing what i can to help my children now and in the future!

chapter 91 : reflecting upon my reflection

today i talked with one of my great friends. she never ceases to inspire and amaze me. during our conversation, i shared a recent experience i had where i learned A LOT about paying attention to the Spirit and acting upon those feelings. toward the end of our chat, i told her that she was lucky that she didn't know me like 10 years ago and later i found myself reflecting upon my own reflection in the mirror.
the person i was about 8 years ago and who i am now are two very different people. in many ways, i am who i always have been because i know that personality is something that isn't CHANGED very easily if at all, but i also truly hope that i am someone BETTER.
as i look back, i think i always look for an explanation for the choices i made.
honestly, i'm NOT over them completely either!
but i also find hope in the future.

i find it interesting though that when i'm critical of others, not as forgiving of faults as i should be or my thinking turns to placing myself higher than others (all of which i wish wasn't part of me), i often realize how HYPOCRITICAL i am. who am i to think _________ about someone when the things i do, the ways i act or the words i speak are probably often the same as what i'm condemning.

my heart is truly heavy at this moment and i feel overwhelmed by my inadequacies. i feel strained by my weaknesses. i feel burdened by the small sins i commit that prohibit me from truly acting like Jesus Christ in my life.

i know this moment will pass and i will feel this way again in the future, but i hope that next time i will think before i open my mouth.

yours truly.

chapter 90 : dangerously so close

so i'm getting dangerously close to my 100th listed post on this blog. many other blogs i stalk send out a package when they hit a big milestone, so i'm wondering...does anyone want me to send something out when i hit the BIG 100?
i'm thinking it could include, but not be limited too some things like :
* an original piece of art
* a baby blanket
* some cute little girl hair clips
* some cute cards
* a yummy, sugar-loaded treat (who am i kidding anyway? sugar sober...blah, blah, blah)
* and possibly something else i come up with

so if you even occasionally glance at this blog and think you would be interested in me doing this, leave a comment here. if i only get one comment, then i'll still consider it, but hey you might never get so lucky again as to get something from me (c:

yours truly.

chapter 89 : praise to the Man!

today in my religion we have our biannual General Conference meeting. it was such a wonderful experience. i LOVED the Solemn Assembly and wept from the beginning through the sustaining. part of me was even afraid that i wouldn't be able to stand due to feeling my emotions and the Spirit so strongly. i am so thankful to have a living Prophet of God on the earth who leads and guides our church. He along with the other leaders truly are called of God and i received that witness again today.
this conference, i was reminded of some things once again...

* i am so grateful for the way that the leaders of the Gospel never condemn us for our mistakes, but always tell us how well we are doing and urge us to do a little better. even though they sometimes speak on very strong and even challenging subjects, they always give their accounts in such a way that brings hope and helps me want to strive to do better, not only for myself, but for my family and those i come in contact with.

* the Brethren help me to feel loved like my Savior loves me. i know that they pray for us and are mindful of all of the members of Church and it brings such comfort to me to gain a little bit more insight into the way that Jesus Christ so selflessly loves and desires for my happiness. mr. clean made a comment like, "how could anyone listen to them and not know it's true?"

3 things that i hope to work on between now and the next conference are :
* to try to find greater balance in my life. i loved the talk by Elder Ballard in the last session. it was another testament to me that the Lord and his disciples truly are aware of what our lives are like and what we go through each day.
* i NEED to pray more and include my Heavenly Father more often. i remember hearing something to the effect that, "your need the extra help to raise your children. you can't do it alone!" this is SO true!
* use my time more wisely. i am the type of person that lives in extremes. i tend to either give 100% of myself to something or just barely get by. this goes for all aspects of my life from cleaning to getting ready and reading my scriptures to praying. my family and i deserve better than this and so do those i come in contact with as well, friends, acquaintances, etc., but most importantly, my Heavenly Father and Savior deserve better for all that they have done for me. without the mindfulness of my Father in Heaven, i know i wouldn't be who or where i am today and without my Savior, Jesus Christ and the Atonement, i would be lost!

the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored upon the earth and is here in its fullness. i am truly blessed!

yours truly.

*to see one of the most beautiful and powerful witnesses of Christ, go here.

chapter 88 : even if you don't got it, flaunt it!

and i'm back! not sure how many people actually read or care, but hey that's beside the point right?

earlier i was thinking about self image. i think that too often, women don't accept their bodies as they are. we are all trying too often to change or wish certain parts of us were like someone elses. so today i decided that i'm going to CELEBRATE MY BODY!

ok...so don't think i'm a huge weirdo or anything! i just mean for today, i'm going to TRY and love me the way i am. i know i could always look better, but trying to look like what the perfect brittany would be seems too ARTIFICIAL for me and pointless. i mean it's most likely that all of us will look like old ladies with short permed hair, wrinkled hands, sun spots, and probably a little overweight by the time we're 70 anyway, so why not enjoy the way we are now!

instead of dogging on myself and feeling like crap when i eat too much today, i'm just going to try and tell those thoughts to SHOVE IT!

anyone who is interested is welcome to join my CELEBRATE YOUR BODY DAY today. maybe by bedtime i'll feel a little more loved and a little less like i'm not cutting it because i don't look how i perceive the world thinks i should.

best of luck in your CELEBRATION!

yours truly.